lost

So here I go…I’ve never really talked about the tragedy that happened about a year ago. It was this month. Here are my thoughts. I just hope that noone gets to read this. I miss her. I miss her every fucking second of my miserable existence. I changed. After that incident, I changed. Something in me…well, for the lack of a better word, “dissolved”. I just talked to a friend about this a couple of months ago. I told her, “I lost the ability to love”. It sounds cheesy but that is the perfect way to put it. I can’t love anymore. Not the kind of love that you feel your car, your iPod or your brother, Mom or other relatives. Those who have fallen, nay, plumetted in love would know what I’m talking about. Yeah…do you know what I’m talking about now? That Love. The kind that would make you give a rose everyday to a person, not because you have to but because you know she deserves it. The kind that would make you entranced in a deep stupor everytime your bodies embrace. That Love. I am lost. I know for a fact that I will never get that feeling back again. I lost it. I took it for granted. Cliche’ as it may sound, you will never know how much you need a person unless they are taken away from you. So for those who think that I am as nonchalant as one can get, think again. I am human and I did love her. Lemme rephrase that, I LOVE HER..but she’s gone. So I’m treading a one way street now.

Good luck to myself.

She is a mystery…

 

the mystery that never was

a suffocating truth that will make it hard to breathe

you speak with a tongue of curses

you bleed with your eyes open

 

the end was inevitable;

save me from my myself

from this sea of melancholy

and the quirk of fate that is my being

 

speak the words that should never be spoken of

it’s a mockery of my existence

a hymn fit for the gods for whom I am but a jester

an elucidation of  the proverbial

 

IN MEMORY

IN MEMORY…

I hear it echo through the night

It caught me breaking down

I give a kiss, you give a sigh

Bring me closer to the ground

so I’ll keep on writing my last love letter

the wheel of life has broken down

I’m left incognito

breathin’ in and breathin’ out

became but a mere chore

so i sing these words with reverie…

and in your memory

I will be changing everything

and so I say to you

I will not bear this fiasco of a life

save me from this madness

It’s breaking me down to pieces

and you’re not suffering at all

the pothead speaketh

a friend with weed is a friend indeed, or so they say…

pot…one of God’s creations, it’s also one of the cause of dispute for A LOT of people. should it be legalized? what would be the repercussions if its legalization pushes through?

Imagine everyone walking stoned…that would be a sight. No war. No Crime. Everyone’s happy. Everyone’s “irie”. I think that’s what’s lacking in the world today. A bit of cannabis in everyone’s system would surely make ’em too wasted to commit a crime or even think about it. The most that they’ll do is just think about doing a crime. When they’re all sobered up, they’ll look for a fix again and so the cycle begins…

Negativity

 I hate it when people always tell you to “look at the bright side!” There is no bright side unless you make one, right? You would always feel alone if you choose to be alone. Sometimes I feel solace in my solitude. Noone bugs you, noone asks you every five minutes, “how are you? are you okay?”. I hate that. If one sees you grimacing or frowning, if they have half a brain, they’ll know that it’s not the right question to ask. Stupid fucks.

Routine

 

 What’s Missing??  

            I woke up with a certain feeling of melancholy in me. You know the feeling that you get when you’re trying to figure out the title of the song that you heard playin’ in the bus? It’s in the tip of your tongue but you just can’t seem to figure it out. That’s exactly what I felt. Fuck. It sucks when you have to wake up every day and you’ll know beforehand how it will end. Utter boredom. Am I the only one feeling this way? Or am I just too damn depressed. I need a fix. Gimme Lithium or somethin’…

 

            I got dressed up for work, with my iPod in one hand and my cellphone in the other. I was thinkin’ of what I’d be doin’ in the office later. My days are becoming to routine for me. I’d finish my daily tasks in two hours tops. The rest I’d spend smoking my lungs out (hence, paperlungs), focusing my eyes on any chick that I see pass by and whathaveyou. There is still a sense of incompleteness inside of me. Something’s missing.

I think John Mayer said it best :

“Something’s missing and I don’t know how to fix it.

 Somethings’s missing and I don’t know what it is.”